


I'm Bleeding Out

by Camelotscourtwriter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Hurt, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:37:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4055206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelotscourtwriter/pseuds/Camelotscourtwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Arthur died in Merlin's arms, Merlin is desperate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Bleeding Out

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. Or Bleeding Out (by Imagine Dragons).

_When the day has come_

The grass beneath me was slightly damp and felt more like mud. I was crying and I just couldn’t stop. This could not be happening, not after everything I had done to prevent this.

_That I’ve lost my way around_

It wasn’t just for the kingdom that I had done it, I wasn’t that selfless, it was also for myself I had done it, because if there was one thing I knew, it was that I loved him. And the seasons stop And hide beneath the ground But now, it seemed, it had all been for nothing. Everything I had done hadn’t stopped it, no, it had led to this moment; me trying to kill Morgana, me not leading him back to Camelot the day he found Mordred again. I tried so hard to blame someone, _anyone_ , yet I knew it was only I that was to blame.

_When the sky turns grey_

_And everything is screaming_

I stood up and called the dragon one last time, even though he was dying. If only I had done this before. Maybe at points I had been too selfish, wanting time alone with Arthur, hoping he would forgive me, if only he could have seen, I had done it all for him.. We arrived at the lake and I put him in a boat. He would never know now, I thought as I caressed his forehead. He would never know how much I loved him and I couldn’t bear saying it now, with all the life sucked out of him. This wasn’t Arthur anymore, this was Arthur’s empty shell.

_I will reach inside Just to find my heart is beating_

Why couldn’t it just have been me? These were _my_ mistakes, so why was it him that had gotten punished? He had a whole life ahead of him –and even though I would have remained jealous – I knew he deserved a happy, long life with Gwen. What did I have left now? What was it that I lived for now that he was dead? Could I even find a new reason to get up in the morning?

_When the hour is nigh_

_And hopelessness is sinking in_

I left the place and started my journey back to Camelot. The dragon’s last words were still going around in my head.“Take heart, for when –,“ he had frozen for a moment, looking at me intensely, as if I had done something wrong. “You have changed young warlock and I fear you won’t be needing my prophecy after all, for it will not come to pass. It was an honor knowing you and this world will be an empty place without you.” Why? Why would he say that? And what was I supposed to do with those words? Could that dragon never stop being cryptically?

_And the wolves all cry_

_To fill the night with hollering_

The look on Gwen’s face when I told her still haunted me at night. I had told her I was sorry for not only failing him, but also _her_. Looking back, I only wished she had screamed at me, slapped me maybe even. But Gwen wouldn’t be Gwen if it wasn’t for her kindness, she had pulled me into a hug and ended up comforting me. As if I needed that to make me feel even more guilty. Gaius had tried to talk to me about it, but I had shut down, I had put up a wall between me and people, scared I would only hurt them, or worse.

_When your eyes are red_

_And emptiness is all you know_

I had cried for many days and nights, locked up in my room, doing little else, remembering the way he had asked me to hold him one last time and the way he had thanked me. When I finally found the courage to go out of my room, it got even worse. Everything reminded me of him, I couldn’t do it, not anymore, so I decided to pack my bags and leave Camelot. I didn’t know where I would be going yet. Maybe I would go see my mum in Ealdor, although there were a lot of memories there too, not only from Arthur, but also from Will –yet another friend that I had killed.

_With the darkness fed_

I had lived in the forest for a couple of days now, maybe even weeks, I didn’t know since I hadn’t kept track, why would I anyway? At night all deaths I had known, I had caused kept coming back, but the worst was Arthur’s. At times I wondered why I stayed around if live hurt so much more than death, if live was so much lonelier than nothingness. Something held me back though. I had by long figured out that life was my punishment, who knew, maybe eternal life without Arthur, a nightmare coming true.

_I will be your scarecrow_

I woke up in the middle of the night, shivering and scared. I had finally figured it out. I knew what I had to do. Finally, the dragon’s words made sense. I grabbed my stuff and headed out in the dark, led by a floating flame of my own creation and the thought of my king.

_You tell me to hold on_

The Isle of the Blessed came closer and closer and I could feel its magic wrapping around me like a blanket, inviting me in, calling me and I couldn’t resist it. _Arthur_.

_Oh you tell me to hold on_

I could see it now. With every step I took, I became more confident, more convinced now that this was the right thing to do. Arthur would get his second chance and this time I wouldn’t be around to mess it up again. He could finally be happy.

_But innocence is gone_

I got out of the little boat that had been on the other side and stepped into the ruins. Something was off, I could feel it. All my senses screamed out to me to run, instead I created a fireball in my hand. It shone bright, because for the first time in my life, I let the magic flow through me without barriers. Nothing to lose now.

_And what was right is wrong_

“Hello! Anybody here?” “Looking for this?” I swirled around and could only just hold back from firing the fireball. _Nimueh_. How was that possible? I forced myself not to think about that and tried to concentrate only on the object in her hand. The cup of life. “Is it possible?” “With your magic? Yes.” I nodded, “do it then.”

_Cause I’m bleeding out_

She held the cup in front of my face, now filled with water. “Are you sure?” “Yes,” and I was. There was only one thing that I was more sure of. I love you Arthur.

_So if the last thing that I do_

_Is bring you down_

I felt the power and energy leaving my body, together with my blood. I opened my eyes to see Nimueh smirking over my almost-dead body. There was one last deed I had to do now and I focused on controlling my powers one last time.

_I’ll bleed out for you_

She was dead, for sure now, but it was too late for me, I had already lost too much blood, too much life, and all my will. This way it was a it safer for Arthur to return. Still, the bleeding seemed to take more time than expected, but even though the pain was agonizing, I still managed a smile, knowing why I did this.

_So I bare my skin_

_And I count my sins_

I still had time, I could feel it. So I started. I’m sorry mother, I’m sorry Gaius, I’m sorry father, I’m sorry Gwen… And so I finished the list of people I would hurt, after which I started my even longer list of people I had killed. _I love you_.

_I’m bleeding out_

When Arthur woke in the small boat on the shore, he wondered where Merlin had gone. Surely the idiot wouldn’t have left him for dead, right? Either way he had to find him as fast as he could. Surprisingly enough, there stood a horse just by the trees, waiting for him. Why had he left? Arthur climbed onto the horse and it ran, commanded by an invisible force, but Arthur knew it would take him where he needed to be. By Merlin’s side.

_I’m bleeding out for you_

No! this was not the way it was supposed to be, he thought. The horse had led him to the Isle of the Blessed, where he was only greeted by a dead Merlin, drained from all his blood. Arthur could do little else than hold him and whisper the same sentence over and over again. “I love you,” even though he knew Merlin would never know.

_For you_


End file.
